My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
