Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
question - sack: should she or should she not play with it during foreplay?
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
