there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Randomize
