If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Randomize
