don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
