my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
Randomize
