im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
