I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
