im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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