i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
