Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
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