This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
