anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Randomize
