I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Randomize
