we have officially mastered the walk of shame
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
