As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
