I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
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