he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
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