I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Randomize
