I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Randomize
