my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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