We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
