Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
Randomize
