once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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