i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
Randomize
