they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
a search helicopter?!
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
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