After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
I am available for nakedness
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