it wasn't lemon gatorade
kristin has been a bad kristin
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
