He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
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