Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
