I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
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