my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
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