Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
