You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
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