You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
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