So drunk its hurt
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
Holy sore nipples Batman
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
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