i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
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