Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
I looked at my own cervix.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
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