The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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