Redeem this text for a blowjob
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
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