my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
Randomize
