put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Randomize
