not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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