I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Randomize
