Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
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