Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
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