your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Randomize
