Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
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