How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Randomize
