I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
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