so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Randomize
