he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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