then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
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