and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
