have fun at tinkers! p.s. are there any hot guys who look like they wanna wait until marriage to have sex?
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Randomize
