Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Randomize
