i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
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I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize