I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
Randomize
