Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
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