please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Randomize
