just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Randomize
