So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
